Why can't I be ok with aging?
I really want to be like Oprah, Deepak, Tina Turner and others who try to convince me that getting older is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Of course, I probably would be much happier if I lived in a huge estate in Montecito, traveled by private plane and had money to spend on the best of the best in health care and new medical technology. But, unfortunately, I am not on board with this mind set yet.
Don't be fooled by the countless celebrities you read about telling you how fabulous it is to be in your 50's, 60's, etc. I love when I hear someone like Jennifer Aniston, who I really adore, say she "wants to celebrate aging," and "life doesn't stop after 50." Life doesn't stop, but the only real upside to life after 50 is that you're not dead!
I'm sick of reading about how free you feel to be you and do what you want - yes, you do attain a certain amount of acceptance of you and all the wonderful idiosyncrasies that make you you; but on the other hand, I could take a week's vacation and spend it all going on doctor visits.
But, with all your newfound acceptance and peaceful inner self comes aches, pains, worrying and my personal favorites - the countless drug ads for everything from arthritis, leaky bladder (only for women), blood pressure, depression, memory loss, Alzheimer's - all with a list of side effects that could put me in the hospital, if I don't already die from any of the aforementioned illnesses. My blood pressure automatically rises every time I have to go to the doctor and they put that cuff around my arm.
And when I tell you I could take a week's vacation just going to doctor's, I'm not joking. By the time you reach 50 there are a lovely bunch of medial tests waiting for you to let you know if you are in danger of dropping dead anytime soon. If I wanted to, I could have a colonoscopy, stress test, heart ultrasound, mammogram, bone density and a multitude of blood tests. I also need to go to a sleep lab because I no longer can sleep without waking up 20 times, and I may have sleep apnea and then have to sleep with an oxygen contraption. I also need to go to an orthopedic doctor for my aching back. You see after years of running, pounding the pavement of NYC and general wear and tear my back is in need of some attention.
I really envy the young adults of the world that can take a high deductible insurance plan as they only go to the doctor once a year. I remember those days, and I long to have them back. The days of youthful naiveté, the beauty of not worrying if the pain on the left side of my head is a headache or a brain tumor.
Of course, woman have more to worry about than their male counterparts. In addition to worrying about aging out of corporate America, aging in general and becoming irrelevant as a target market - we also have to worry about our insides rotting away, declining hormones, grey hair on our head and grey hair in places we really don't want grey hair. You know what I'm talking about! It seems like a cruel twist of fate that women have to bear the burden of bleeding every month for 30ish years, birthing children, and lack of hormones - isn't just getting your period every month enough?
As i head into my 55th year, I can't help but long for that mindless obliviousness that comes with youth, and those halcyon days when menopause was something your mom had and "hot flashes" were not part of your vocabulary.
