Why can't I be ok with aging?
I really want to be like Oprah, Deepak, Tina Turner and others who try to convince me that getting older is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Of course, I probably would be much happier if I lived in a huge estate in Montecito, traveled by private plane and had money to spend on the best of the best in health care and new medical technology. But, unfortunately, I am not on board with this mind set yet.
Don't be fooled by the countless celebrities you read about telling you how fabulous it is to be in your 50's, 60's, etc. I love when I hear someone like Jennifer Aniston, who I really adore, say she "wants to celebrate aging," and "life doesn't stop after 50." Life doesn't stop, but the only real upside to life after 50 is that you're not dead!
I'm sick of reading about how free you feel to be you and do what you want - yes, you do attain a certain amount of acceptance of you and all the wonderful idiosyncrasies that make you you; but on the other hand, I could take a week's vacation and spend it all going on doctor visits.
But, with all your newfound acceptance and peaceful inner self comes aches, pains, worrying and my personal favorites - the countless drug ads for everything from arthritis, leaky bladder (only for women), blood pressure, depression, memory loss, Alzheimer's - all with a list of side effects that could put me in the hospital, if I don't already die from any of the aforementioned illnesses. My blood pressure automatically rises every time I have to go to the doctor and they put that cuff around my arm.
And when I tell you I could take a week's vacation just going to doctor's, I'm not joking. By the time you reach 50 there are a lovely bunch of medial tests waiting for you to let you know if you are in danger of dropping dead anytime soon. If I wanted to, I could have a colonoscopy, stress test, heart ultrasound, mammogram, bone density and a multitude of blood tests. I also need to go to a sleep lab because I no longer can sleep without waking up 20 times, and I may have sleep apnea and then have to sleep with an oxygen contraption. I also need to go to an orthopedic doctor for my aching back. You see after years of running, pounding the pavement of NYC and general wear and tear my back is in need of some attention.
I really envy the young adults of the world that can take a high deductible insurance plan as they only go to the doctor once a year. I remember those days, and I long to have them back. The days of youthful naiveté, the beauty of not worrying if the pain on the left side of my head is a headache or a brain tumor.
Of course, woman have more to worry about than their male counterparts. In addition to worrying about aging out of corporate America, aging in general and becoming irrelevant as a target market - we also have to worry about our insides rotting away, declining hormones, grey hair on our head and grey hair in places we really don't want grey hair. You know what I'm talking about! It seems like a cruel twist of fate that women have to bear the burden of bleeding every month for 30ish years, birthing children, and lack of hormones - isn't just getting your period every month enough?
As i head into my 55th year, I can't help but long for that mindless obliviousness that comes with youth, and those halcyon days when menopause was something your mom had and "hot flashes" were not part of your vocabulary.
Showing posts with label #menopause. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #menopause. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 20, 2017
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
About Face...
I have pretty much come to the conclusion that all my extra money until I am at least 80 is going to my dermatologist in a supreme effort to keep my face looking as smooth as a baby's bottom!
20 years ago, when you went to a dermatologist you went mostly due to medical reasons - maybe you had a rash or perhaps quelle horreur, a bad pimple that you need a cortisone injection for. Now, you don't go to the derm any more - you go to a dermatologist that works in a "MedSpa" where they have a never ending list of procedures you choose to combat the evil enemy - aging skin!
I started reading fashion magazines when I was in my teens - mostly Seventeen and Glamour. I was enthralled by the fresh faced beauty of Cheryl Tiegs, Patty Hansen (now married to Keith Richards), and Christie Brinkley. They were tall, thin and gorgeous and I desperately wanted to be one of them. Alas, at being only 5'4" with size D boobs, that was never going to happen, buy my life long obsession with beauty products was in it's early stages. When I was 16 or so I purchased my first bottle of Oil of Olay - I still remember the pale pink color and the smell. From that day on, I have had a love affair with products and skin care. I will admit that I have been blessed by the gods with good skin, but my idea of heaven is being stranded overnight in a Sephora.
Yes, I will admit I have dabbed my toes into this never ending abyss of lasers and injections. The Fraxel laser I had last year was an experience in how much pain women endure in the never ending quest for youth.
It started innocently enough. I went to my med spa - yes, they are not even called dermatologists anymore - for a glycol peel - just something to give me a little glow. I innocently inquired with the PA about laser technology. I love being on the forefront of technology and skin technology is no exception. My PA casually told me that the procedure was really easy and if I did it on a Friday I would be ok to go to work on Monday.
I should have know it was not as easy as all that when they put metal contacts into my eyes after sitting for 45 minutes with numbing cream on my face. It went very fast and was secretly impressed with myself when PA told me I am handing the pain really well. When it was all over and they put ice pads on my face and steam rose off of them, I pretty much knew this was serious business. By the time I got home, my face was the deepest shade of crimson you can possibly imagine and to constantly keep putting ice pads on my face to battle the extreme heat of my face. In hindsight I will definitely ask for Valium next time.
The redness went down over the next two days, but by Monday I was not looking all that great and really did not want to go to work and have everyone ask me what happened to my face. By the 3rd or 4th day your skin starts flaking off and you look like you have leprosy due to having new skin in some spots and old skin in others. During all this time, people at work and on the street are going to wonder what happened to you - just hold your head high and know in a week or so you will look like you just came back from a month in Bali.
This is not me, but pretty much what my face looked like afterwards.
After about 2 weeks you are rewarded with skin as smooth as a baby's bottom. Not only that, but you are also building collagen to help plump your skin to stave off future sagging. Win win!
Next up, Restylane under my eyes. While contemplating another Fraxel treatment (yes, I am a masochist), my PA said she thinks that some Restylane under my eyes to fill up the deep valleys are forming from volume loss. She showed me before and after pictures of herself and I was sold...it doesn't take much!
One month later, I am back with numbing cream under my eyes and then injections of filler into the "deep pockets" under my eyes. This was obviously not was intense as the laser, but still had black and blue marks under my eyes for about a week. I kept examining my eyes in my magnifying mirror and was not sure I was happy since it looked kind of lumpy to me, but after about 2 week everything smoothed out and I decided I had another addiction.
It's pretty amazing all the things you can do without resorting to surgery, and I firmly believe that after 30 it's all about maintenance and doing little things to help maintain a youthful appearance. Note, did not say look like you're 20 - but as we all know, women are held to a higher standard personally and professionally. After you turn 50 and you start becoming menopausal and the lack of estrogen in your body rapidly speeds up the aging process. Doing little things definitely makes you look better, and feel better. melissazodicoff@blogspot.com
20 years ago, when you went to a dermatologist you went mostly due to medical reasons - maybe you had a rash or perhaps quelle horreur, a bad pimple that you need a cortisone injection for. Now, you don't go to the derm any more - you go to a dermatologist that works in a "MedSpa" where they have a never ending list of procedures you choose to combat the evil enemy - aging skin!
I started reading fashion magazines when I was in my teens - mostly Seventeen and Glamour. I was enthralled by the fresh faced beauty of Cheryl Tiegs, Patty Hansen (now married to Keith Richards), and Christie Brinkley. They were tall, thin and gorgeous and I desperately wanted to be one of them. Alas, at being only 5'4" with size D boobs, that was never going to happen, buy my life long obsession with beauty products was in it's early stages. When I was 16 or so I purchased my first bottle of Oil of Olay - I still remember the pale pink color and the smell. From that day on, I have had a love affair with products and skin care. I will admit that I have been blessed by the gods with good skin, but my idea of heaven is being stranded overnight in a Sephora.
Yes, I will admit I have dabbed my toes into this never ending abyss of lasers and injections. The Fraxel laser I had last year was an experience in how much pain women endure in the never ending quest for youth.
It started innocently enough. I went to my med spa - yes, they are not even called dermatologists anymore - for a glycol peel - just something to give me a little glow. I innocently inquired with the PA about laser technology. I love being on the forefront of technology and skin technology is no exception. My PA casually told me that the procedure was really easy and if I did it on a Friday I would be ok to go to work on Monday.
I should have know it was not as easy as all that when they put metal contacts into my eyes after sitting for 45 minutes with numbing cream on my face. It went very fast and was secretly impressed with myself when PA told me I am handing the pain really well. When it was all over and they put ice pads on my face and steam rose off of them, I pretty much knew this was serious business. By the time I got home, my face was the deepest shade of crimson you can possibly imagine and to constantly keep putting ice pads on my face to battle the extreme heat of my face. In hindsight I will definitely ask for Valium next time.
The redness went down over the next two days, but by Monday I was not looking all that great and really did not want to go to work and have everyone ask me what happened to my face. By the 3rd or 4th day your skin starts flaking off and you look like you have leprosy due to having new skin in some spots and old skin in others. During all this time, people at work and on the street are going to wonder what happened to you - just hold your head high and know in a week or so you will look like you just came back from a month in Bali.
This is not me, but pretty much what my face looked like afterwards.
After about 2 weeks you are rewarded with skin as smooth as a baby's bottom. Not only that, but you are also building collagen to help plump your skin to stave off future sagging. Win win!
Next up, Restylane under my eyes. While contemplating another Fraxel treatment (yes, I am a masochist), my PA said she thinks that some Restylane under my eyes to fill up the deep valleys are forming from volume loss. She showed me before and after pictures of herself and I was sold...it doesn't take much!
One month later, I am back with numbing cream under my eyes and then injections of filler into the "deep pockets" under my eyes. This was obviously not was intense as the laser, but still had black and blue marks under my eyes for about a week. I kept examining my eyes in my magnifying mirror and was not sure I was happy since it looked kind of lumpy to me, but after about 2 week everything smoothed out and I decided I had another addiction.
It's pretty amazing all the things you can do without resorting to surgery, and I firmly believe that after 30 it's all about maintenance and doing little things to help maintain a youthful appearance. Note, did not say look like you're 20 - but as we all know, women are held to a higher standard personally and professionally. After you turn 50 and you start becoming menopausal and the lack of estrogen in your body rapidly speeds up the aging process. Doing little things definitely makes you look better, and feel better. melissazodicoff@blogspot.com
Saturday, May 24, 2014
Is 50 Really The New 40?
Are you like me and woke up the morning of your 50th birthday felling life had irrevocably shifted? Overnight I went from cool, hip 40-something to basically just "old" - I was definitely not having an Oprah "aha" moment! If 50 is the new 40, I am definitely not feeling it. When I was in my 40's I still felt young, vital and relevant. Now, the steady onslaught of mail from AARP ensures that I never feel young(ish) again! Is this how Sharon Stone felt? Katie Couric? I know it's not how Oprah felt - live your best life, the best is yet to come - blah, blah, blah.
And to top it off, I was 50 years old and single! If there is anything worse than being 50 and single, I don't know what it is? I didn't feel sexy anymore - I felt old! Let's be honest - dating is hard enough in your 30's and 40's - dating in your 50's has to be misery. Let's face it, it's a young world out there. It's a fact that men are genetically programmed to be attracted to women who are in their child bearing years - as men are blessed with the gift of being able to procreate until they are basically dead. Even in they don't particularly want children, they want to be with someone who can have them. That's the way it is - you're pretty much screwed if you don't meet your mate by the time you are in your mid-40's. It used to be you were screwed if you didn't meet someone by the time you were 30, but things have gotten better for women, and now we have until our early 40's at least. It's not much, but it's something.
Nothing prepares you for this "change of life" as they call it for women. You can read all the articles from Oprah, More, Good Housekeeping about how fantastic it is to turn 50, but in truth it completely sucks. That's right, it sucks! Nobody writes about how the lack of estrogen coursing through your body makes your ovaries shrivel up like dried out grapes, your sex drive tanks, your skin itches like crazy and puts you in a state of mind that you have never experienced in your life. I felt as if a black cloud had plopped itself right on top of my head and was not leaving. I walked into my 50th birthday party feeling more depressed and lonely than I ever had - and not knowing what to do about it.
At the last minute, I had reluctantly organized a small dinner for my family and some friends. A lot of people who I had wanted to be there, let me down. My cousins had tickets to some concert, one of my best friends from England could not afford to come over, one friend had just had a baby and one of my oldest friends canceled the day before for some crap reason. Sitting around the dinner table with friends and family I realized how alone I was. I had no parents, no boyfriend, no husband. I had just moved back to NY from Delaware and was living in a crappy apartment in Harlem. Looking around this table I realized that I was not special to anybody. I had nobody who I was their #1. It was probably the saddest day of my life.
I would keep asking myself, what have I accomplished in the past 30 years? What was I going to do with the next, hopefully, 30 or 40? You really have a moment where you look back while trying to figure out the way forward. I was never really happy in my job, and all of a sudden I knew that was not good enough any more. I didn't want to live the rest of my life clocking in the hours and not deriving any satisfaction from it. But, on the other hand I did not have a clear alternative path to take.
So, I started taking anti-depressants - they helped a little, but I still was not the "old" me that I knew so well. I knew I had to get out of this funk - that I could not live the rest of my life feeling like this. It wasn't me, and I was not prepared to deal with this for the long term.
It's amazing the wealth of information you can find on the internet - on any given subject. I researched HRT like a girl gone wild. And, of course, I turned to every girl over 45's best friend, Suzanne Sommers. Suzanne has been touting the benefits of bio identical hormones for years, and you know what? Her book was a wealth of information, and totally clued me in as to what was going on with my body and the fact that I was not going nuts. Suzanne is in her 60's and she claims, still getting it on with her hubby numerous times a week. Sounds good to me!
Armed with a ton of knowledge on the pros and cons, I went to my gyn to discuss hormone replacement, and you know what I found out? Western doctors do not want to have anything to do with this phase of a women's life. They all refer to the 2002 HRT study that claimed hormone replacement therapy caused increased rates of breast cancer, heart disease and stroke. Every doctor has the same line "we really don't recommend it unless your symptoms are very, very bad." What? So, I have to basically be completely depressed, where I'm ready to kill myself before you will even discuss this with me? Crazy, you say - but this is the attitude of doctor's when it comes to dealing with menopause - "just suffer" or put your life in jeopardy by taking hormones. If men went through this, you can bet there would be something safe that they can take to get them through it. I mean, they found a way to give a guy an erection lasting maybe 4 hours before they were able to find a cure for breast cancer, ovarian cancer or any type of cancer for that matter.
Needless to say, I finally found my way to a fantastic doctor that specializes in health for women in their 40's, 50's, and 60's. She even refers to me as one of her "younger" patients, which I love. She put me on a regime of estrogen and progesterone and with days, I was feeling better. You never appreciate estrogen as much as when you don't have that much.
I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life and how to find fulfillment. I'm going on line so I can start dating again, and starting to take chances that I did not do in my 30's or 40's. I always played it safe and thought happiness and fulfillment would find me. But, turning 50 made me realize that I have to go out and find it, and if I don't make changes soon it might be too late. I guess that is one benefit to turning 50 - you realize your time here is finite and you need to take charge of your own happiness.
And to top it off, I was 50 years old and single! If there is anything worse than being 50 and single, I don't know what it is? I didn't feel sexy anymore - I felt old! Let's be honest - dating is hard enough in your 30's and 40's - dating in your 50's has to be misery. Let's face it, it's a young world out there. It's a fact that men are genetically programmed to be attracted to women who are in their child bearing years - as men are blessed with the gift of being able to procreate until they are basically dead. Even in they don't particularly want children, they want to be with someone who can have them. That's the way it is - you're pretty much screwed if you don't meet your mate by the time you are in your mid-40's. It used to be you were screwed if you didn't meet someone by the time you were 30, but things have gotten better for women, and now we have until our early 40's at least. It's not much, but it's something.
At the last minute, I had reluctantly organized a small dinner for my family and some friends. A lot of people who I had wanted to be there, let me down. My cousins had tickets to some concert, one of my best friends from England could not afford to come over, one friend had just had a baby and one of my oldest friends canceled the day before for some crap reason. Sitting around the dinner table with friends and family I realized how alone I was. I had no parents, no boyfriend, no husband. I had just moved back to NY from Delaware and was living in a crappy apartment in Harlem. Looking around this table I realized that I was not special to anybody. I had nobody who I was their #1. It was probably the saddest day of my life.
I would keep asking myself, what have I accomplished in the past 30 years? What was I going to do with the next, hopefully, 30 or 40? You really have a moment where you look back while trying to figure out the way forward. I was never really happy in my job, and all of a sudden I knew that was not good enough any more. I didn't want to live the rest of my life clocking in the hours and not deriving any satisfaction from it. But, on the other hand I did not have a clear alternative path to take.
So, I started taking anti-depressants - they helped a little, but I still was not the "old" me that I knew so well. I knew I had to get out of this funk - that I could not live the rest of my life feeling like this. It wasn't me, and I was not prepared to deal with this for the long term.
It's amazing the wealth of information you can find on the internet - on any given subject. I researched HRT like a girl gone wild. And, of course, I turned to every girl over 45's best friend, Suzanne Sommers. Suzanne has been touting the benefits of bio identical hormones for years, and you know what? Her book was a wealth of information, and totally clued me in as to what was going on with my body and the fact that I was not going nuts. Suzanne is in her 60's and she claims, still getting it on with her hubby numerous times a week. Sounds good to me!
Armed with a ton of knowledge on the pros and cons, I went to my gyn to discuss hormone replacement, and you know what I found out? Western doctors do not want to have anything to do with this phase of a women's life. They all refer to the 2002 HRT study that claimed hormone replacement therapy caused increased rates of breast cancer, heart disease and stroke. Every doctor has the same line "we really don't recommend it unless your symptoms are very, very bad." What? So, I have to basically be completely depressed, where I'm ready to kill myself before you will even discuss this with me? Crazy, you say - but this is the attitude of doctor's when it comes to dealing with menopause - "just suffer" or put your life in jeopardy by taking hormones. If men went through this, you can bet there would be something safe that they can take to get them through it. I mean, they found a way to give a guy an erection lasting maybe 4 hours before they were able to find a cure for breast cancer, ovarian cancer or any type of cancer for that matter.
Needless to say, I finally found my way to a fantastic doctor that specializes in health for women in their 40's, 50's, and 60's. She even refers to me as one of her "younger" patients, which I love. She put me on a regime of estrogen and progesterone and with days, I was feeling better. You never appreciate estrogen as much as when you don't have that much.
I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life and how to find fulfillment. I'm going on line so I can start dating again, and starting to take chances that I did not do in my 30's or 40's. I always played it safe and thought happiness and fulfillment would find me. But, turning 50 made me realize that I have to go out and find it, and if I don't make changes soon it might be too late. I guess that is one benefit to turning 50 - you realize your time here is finite and you need to take charge of your own happiness.
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