Now that the dust has settled on your wedding and we're left to fawn over the 20+ pages of pictures in People Magazine, I want to say Congratulations! You guys gave us quite a romantic show cruising up and down the canals of Venice with Amal wearing one gorgeous outfit after another. I am sure that every women out there fell a little in love with you, and a little in love with her clothing budget!
Me, I've always thought you were the ideal man. It was as if God took Cary Grant and mixed him with you and unleashed the result on the female population. Smart, cocky with a self-deprecating sense of humor, can drink tequila until the sun comes ups and still wake up looking fine. You love your parents, traveled to the Sudan with your dad and are probably the only guy that could play a really horrible Batman and still have a career afterwards. We heard you pound into our heads, in every interview where they ask you the same questions, that you do not plan on ever getting married again. For this reason, we didn't mind that you dated a string of waitresses, Italian actresses and a wrestler because we believed you when you said "I'm never getting married again." All it takes is one person.
So, while I'm still dealing with the riot of emotion that I feel from this monumental occasion, may I say "well done," George. You have restored my faith in Hollywood leading men. You could have gone down the road of so many of your brethren and continued to date a string of starlets a generation, or two, younger than you that you that you had little to nothing in common with - we were pretty sure after you ended your relationship with Stacey Kiebler that we would see another feckless female on your arm at some awards show. Instead, you shocked us and started dating a women who is, pretty much, above you. It took a smart, beautiful, bewigged barrister to take you down! You were probably shocked, in the beginning, that you had met someone you can have an actual conversation with about something other than movies - someone who you had common interests with who didn't have nude pictures or sex tapes floating around. You finally met the one women who had her own life, and didn't really need you for anything. Kudos to you for being smart enough to snap her up!
Also, "well done," Amal! You will forever have the title as the women who got George Clooney to "put a ring on it!" You landed the prize - the big kahuna, the one that every female all around the world dreamed of getting, and none did. It only makes sense that London's most eligible barrister should meet and marry America's hottest man. You and George have now usurped Brad and Angie and are now the new King and Queen of Hollywood. Gorgeous and smart, you gave us hope that there are actually men out there who love being with a smart, independent women. I read that you turned "gorgeous" George down a time or two before you finally agreed to go out with him. I'm pretty sure that is classic "Rules" 101, but it obviously works and I will be dusting off my copy this weekend.
In the end, even though I, not so secretly, lusted after you for many years, mazel tov! You have exceeded the expectations of all women kind, and we thank you for not being just another stereotypical Hollywood male!
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